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Thread: The true meaning of grief.

  1. #1
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    The true meaning of grief.

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    Recently, I came to understand the true meaning of grief.

    About a week and a half ago, my beloved mother passed away, after a 28 months battle with cancer. Much as we prepared ourselves for the losing battle, we were not ready for her inevitable departure, which was sudden, although not unexpected. The finality of things and how life around you goes on without skipping a beat has been a very surreal experience.

    Here's an extract from a song titled "I'll be missing you" which I thought is pretty close to my heart at this point in time.

    Words can’t express what you mean to me
    Even though you’re gone, we still a team
    Through your family, I’ll fulfill your dream
    In the future, can’t wait to see
    If you open up the gates for me
    Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend
    Try to black it out, but it plays again
    When it’s real, feelings hard to conceal
    Can’t imagine all the pain I feel
    Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
    I know you still living your life, after death

    Every step I take, every move I make
    Every single day, every time I pray
    I’ll be missing you
    Thinking of the day, when you went away
    What a life to take, what a bond to break
    I’ll be missing you

    It’s kinda hard with you not around
    Know you in heaven smiling down
    Watching us while we pray for you
    Every day we pray for you
    Til the day we meet again
    In my heart is where I’ll keep you friend
    I am normally a very private person but have decided to share this here as my family and I have been touched by the level of care and support from the folks (or rather "my fishy friends" as my wife fondly calls you guys) who came to know about the death in the family, despite the fact that I was trying to keep it low key. We hereby express our gratitude for all the kind contributions and condolences and especially the beautiful wreaths sent by the various forums and shops. A special note of appreciation to jja who literally rushed down to offer his help and a wreath from www.plecofanatics.com just as we were setting up the funeral arrangements.

    At this juncture, I will be re-evaluating my priorities and commitments. However, rest assured that I will honor all my current commitments till the end of this year.

    Somehow, a part of me seem to have died, together with my mother. Life, it seems, will never be the same again...
    I have dwarf cichlids in my tanks! Do you?

  2. #2
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    Sorry to hear that benny, hope pull thru this difficult time.
    Ecclesiastes 7

    extracted from www.christnotes.org

    Wisdom and Folly Compared


    A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth. 2 It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. 3 Sorrow [1] is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. 4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. 5 It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools. 6 For as the crackling [2] of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool: this also is vanity.

    7 Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad; and a gift destroyeth the heart. 8 Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. 9 Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools. 10 Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not enquire wisely [3] concerning this.

    I think i still have the song, let me know if you want it. can Email over.
    Cheers!

    Benetay

  3. #3
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    I remember how helpless I felt when my great-grandmother passed away. Although we didn't speak much to each other because of language barriers, she took care of me when I was a toddler. I missed her when she was gone.

    Take care Benny. I believe you can pull through this difficult time.

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    Hi Benny, I personally have also just been through a 'difficult' period but with god's grace I pulled through. It made me realized what a 'person' I have become and the things that I have let pass. My real friends were like far and between....but I am still grateful though. I can't share your pain, benny but I can help, the least lessen the burden of your grief.
    On a lighter note, if you feel like transporting all your corys from your place to my place. You know the number to dial, the very least I could do for a friend.
    Something about the water & the fishes that calms me down.

  5. #5
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    Benny,

    It is sad that a loved one passed away. Take some comfort that she is safely in the arms of the Lord. I believe she also won't want you to remain this way.

    Cheer up man.

    Will keep you in prayer.

    God will comfort the hurt if they seek his comfort.
    Nicholas

    Newbie en el cichlid enano

  6. #6
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    Yes, it sure is difficult to lose something very close to your heart. Don't fret... You have a lot of people around who are willing to help... Cheer up!
    Read me! :bigsmile: http://justikanz.blogspot.com/

    I'm crypt collecting... Starting cheap, now have Cryptocoryne beckettii, C.beckettii var petchii, C.crispatula var.balansae, C.griffithii(Melted! ), C.nurii, C.parva, C.pygmaea(Melted! ), C.tonkinensis(Melted! ), C.walkeri, C.wendtii 'Brown', C.wendtii 'Green', C.wendtii 'Green Gecko', C.wendtii 'Tropica' and Cryptocoryne x willisii

    Oh, juggling is hard work, man!...

  7. #7
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    Seems like so many of us are going thru hard times recently. I just received news just a few hours ago that one of my best friends died in a car accident in Sydney, Australia. And all he did was he reversed too hard while he was parking, drove over the tire curb, thru a steel barrier and fell 10 meters to the street below.

    I'm still in shock. It's like someone literally blew out his candle.

    Benny, the sorrow I feel cannot match the sorrow you must be feeling, but do know we are all here for you, if you ever need a listening ear or simply someone to distract you from your sorrow for a little while.
    Vincent - AQ is for everyone, but not for 'u' and 'mi'.
    Why use punctuation? See what a difference it makes:
    A woman, without her man, is nothing.
    A woman: without her, man is nothing.

  8. #8
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    Sorry to hear bat this. Take care.

    My dad passed away last Oct, after 7yrs of battling with his illness.
    But it is only during the his final stage of life that we realise his pain and suffering he is going thru. To let go is a blessing and a relieve of pain.

    I'm not too good with words, but do take care of your health.

    Regards,

  9. #9
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    My condolences to you and your family. Do take gd care of yourself as the loss of a loved one or friend is something we can nvr prepare ourselves for, yet something we will all experience at a point in life.

    Best Regards
    JC

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    having lost my father too i don't think i can say much to console.
    the feelings you have must be tumultuous.

    for what its worth... the passing of one's time is also the beginning of another's time.
    its your turn to take your place on the stage.
    celticfish
    It is a good day to die!!!
    I finally uploaded an avatar and Cupid is dead!!!


  11. #11
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    Sorry to hear for your loss Benny. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

    Warm regards
    Cameron James

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    My deepest condolences to you and your family benny. My uncle passed away also not too long ago. He was a nice man. my mother's elder brother. when we(me and my 2 brothers) visit his family or stay over, he would cook for us and take care of us. the least i could do was to pay him a visit when he was ill but some family conflicts kept me from doing that and guess i forgot to think about him until i learned he's no more.my mom told me to pay him a visit but i just put it off. i was sad when i saw him on the day of the funeral.a family member and my father's good friend had gone......

  13. #13
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    When my father was lying in SGH for six months, my mum was struggling with her heart problems, and I thought it was the worst time in my life.
    My only elder brother was doing his master in NUS and I was the sole bread winner until I was retrenched not long after...
    I broke down and even to the extend of considering the best way to end my life till a good friend offer me these words of wisdom.

    "天将降大任于斯人也,必先苦其心志,劳其筋骨,饿其体肤,空乏其身。。。。"

    It helped me, I hope it will help you too.
    Cheers and Regards,
    Billy Cheong

    I'm not always dumb,
    Just most of the time...

  14. #14
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    benny i am very sorry to hear of your mothers passing, i lost both my parents within 2 mths but that was 2 yrs ago, i know my parents had a great life and loved each other very much and my brother and i took comfort in that.
    having met you i feel you are a very strong person and have the strength of mind to go through what you are going through at the moment, but believe me mate it gets easier with the passing of time.

    regards mick
    Last edited by mickthefish; 9th Mar 2006 at 18:19.

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    Sorry to hear benny, But I'm sure your mum's really proud of you right now. You're a great person who's a true friend to many of us. And like I said last time, let us know if you ever need anything yeah?

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    My deepest condolences to you and your family, Benny.

    For those whom you love and love you, take good care.
    ~Chyrl~

    向来如此便是对吗?
    Live each moment like its the last

  17. #17
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    Deepest condolences to you and members of your family. Be strong and patient through this moment of grief as you mourn for the loss of your beloved mother.

    Take care.

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