Some pictures from you will be best. But here is mine for you to compare. Pardon the lousy picture taken sometime back and maybe its alittle difficult to see.
But basically, the first 4 or 5 dorsal membrane of the female can be pointed in some specimens, however, they will not be as lengthy as the male. Next, watch the ventral fins, female's ventral is not long and usually just touches the anal fin. Male's ventral fins will grow way into where their anal fin is.
Also do look out for the lateral spot on the body. If she is indeed trying to lure the male into the cave to breed, she should spot a yellow dress, black ventral and a double lateral spot (1st spot not very obvious in my specimen).
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