Just for laugh

[meerkat]

Two hungry hobos (vagrants) were desperately looking for food when they saw a dead decaying dog.

"I haven't eaten for a week and that piece of prime first class beef sure looks tempting," said one. "Think I am going for it. You want some?"

"No, I want real hot steaming food and have no stomach for that. Please go ahead." Said the second, uninterested.

So the first hobo filled his stomach with rotten dog fresh till he could eat no more.

After that they carried on with the journey till the first hobo became violently ill and threw up everything.

"Ahhh, that's what I call hot food!"

And he went for it.

[trident]

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three
wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion surrounded
by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to them all and begins to explore the
house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and
the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door . .. He answers it and standing there
are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and
hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two
blonde genies.
One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish
having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can
also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. .. . but why he wanted to
be hung like a black man is beyond me.'

[morikeeper]

Wireless... nice one.

[trident]

It was April and the Aborigines in a remote part of Northern Australia asked
their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old
secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was
going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was
indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect
firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.

He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of
Meteorology and asked, "Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?"

The meteorologist responded, "It looks like this winter is going to be quite
cold."

So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood
in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. "Does it still
look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

The meteorologist again replied, "Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter."

The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every
scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. "Are you absolutely sure
that the winter is going to be very cold?" he asked. "Absolutely." the man
replied.
"It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest
winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the elder asked.

The weatherman replied, "Our satellites have reported that the Aborigines in
the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign."

[Sunfire]

A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together.

Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

'Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad,' gushed son number one ... 'Sorry I'm
running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you
know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.'

'Not to worry,' said the father. 'The important thing is that we're
all together today'

Son number two arrived and announced, 'You and Mom look great, Dad. I
just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time
to shop for you.'

'It's nothing,' said the father, 'We're glad you were able to come.'

Just then the daughter arrived, 'Hello and happy anniversary! I'm
sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy
packing so I didn't have time to get you anything.'

After they had finished dessert, the father said, 'There's something
your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we
were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to
college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew that we loved
each other very much, but we just never found the time to get
married.'

The three children gasped and all said, 'You mean we're bastards?'

'Yep,' said the father. 'And cheap ones too.’

[unclerobin]

This is too funny not to be dirty - enjoy!

The husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We
went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'
Yes, she says, 'I remember it well.'
OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'
Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to
himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no
trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get
to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his
trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex
that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and
screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their
clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them
what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex
life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?'
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'

Hope i don't offend anyone here

[Orion]

There are alot of boy boy here don't know can disgest that.

[bryan]

**Rrinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**

**'Hello?'**


**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**


**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**



**After a brief pause,**



**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**


**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now.'**


Brief Pause.


**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**

**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**


**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**'I did it, Daddy.'**


**'And what happened, honey?' **

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**


**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**


**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**


**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**


**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**



**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**


*****Long Pause*****



*****Longer Pause*****



*****Even Longer Pause*****


**Then Daddy says,**


**'Swimming pool? .**



**Is this 486-5731?'*


**No, I think you have the wrong number.......*

[unclerobin]

Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.
Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "

======================================
Ah Soh goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Soh : "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."

Ah Soh : "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Ah Soh : "I'll buy it"

The next day, Ah Soh goes to work with her thermo flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"

Ah Soh : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do?"

Ah Soh : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss : "What do you have in it! ?"

Ah Soh : "Two cups of coffee and a coke"
======================================

[Ah_ZhaN]

A guy donated blood to his girlfriend.


When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.



The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, 'I'll pay you in
monthly installment.'